Well hello beautiful universe!! Guess what just fucking happened? My bitches of roommates just fucking kicked me out. Literally. She was like, oh what time are you coming home tonight coz I need to talk to you later. Emphasize on ‘I’ please. The use of ‘I’ indicates that it is you, singular, that has business with me. Well apparently Dumb doesn’t understand that that’s what the word ‘I’ mean. How?
See, when I came home on time as I told her, she says we have to wait for the other roommate. I’m like what? And when the fuck will that be? You’d think she’d have the courtesy of telling me in advance that whatever shit she wants to spout can’t be said without Dumber being present. FYI, I want. To sleep! I’ve had a major fucking headache from work but obviously inhuman people like that just doesn’t give a fuck and I’m told to wait.
Then when Dumber finally arrives (one hour later!!!), Dumb says, “we’re giving you two months notice”. WTF was that???? The supposed reason, is that Dumb’s husband will be coming in in June, and so is Dumber’s boyfriend. Allow me to point out something very glaring to you idiots. You both have queen sized beds. Both your rooms are larger than mine and so there is more than enough space. And you have the indecency to tell me that you just don’t think there’s room for 5 people in the apartment? This is the biggest bullshit from you yet. I’m hardly in the apartment as it is, what with leaving in the morning and coming home in the morning also, on a daily basis. I don’t even need to see your ugly faces. Even on weekends. So obviously, you just don’t want to say the real reason of why I should be moving out. Read: you simply don’t want me here. Well why can’t you just man up and own up to that? Whatever happened to common decency and honesty for God’s sake? Oh sorry, I guess I should have realized - animals with no brains just can’t think. Or if you are human, then as cowards it is simply not in you to do that. My bad.
My point is, you have no right to force me to move out. I paid the deposits just like you did, my ultimate landlord ain’t you. And there’s a bunch of other reasons which I for one, just cannot be bother to waste my breath, time, and energy on arguing with you, because I know I will win - just like all the other times. Oh yeah, I saw your fugly face’s expression when I pointed out the idiotic mistakes you made in the lease agreement, which I had to fucking correct, which in the end was useless anyway because you already fucking sabotaged the whole thing and thanks to your stupidity, the landlord won’t agree with my changes. For whoever is moving in next, please don’t even attempt at revising any contract. You suck at it. If you didn’t already know that, which you probably don’t seeing as your ego is colossal.
I wish that I didn’t have to wish bad things on you, but I just can’t now. I wish you all the most hellish things one can ever experience in this life, cause you sure have at least a mountain of carmic debt to me.
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Do you ever have those days where you just feel like you’re annoying everyone, and you probably aren’t but because you feel like you are, you probably are, but then you don’t stop anyway and you’re annoyed with you and everyone else is annoyed with you and you kinda just wanna throw yourself out the window of your 23rd story office?
Yeah me too.
I swallowed the sky in its darkest form
On the tip of the storm, capped to its brim, on the rocks
And I choked with my blood in my tear-ducts
And I crashed as I fell with my heart over my head
I’ve got to slow myself down I thought
Though I can’t see or think how
Maybe I’ll stew here for a little while
Don’t mind the scalding fire
scarring me as I heal
Laying peace in my soul as it reincarnates
Masking a whole new face though I can’t erase
The smudges and cracks underneath
I took on the world under brittle coat
Such fragile strings on the end of its end
And I slipped on the freeway to my darkness - 90 miles per hour clean, no seconds spared
I flittered apart in my own skin
Unfitting, and deforming
Maybe I’ll lay here a little while
Don’t mind the acid cold
Scarring me as I heal
Placing peace in my soul as it
Masking a whole new face though I can’t erase
The smudges and cracks underneath
25 Things To Do Before You Turn 25
1. Make peace with your parents. Whether you finally recognize that they actually have your best interests in mind or you forgive them for being flawed human beings, you can’t happily enter adulthood with that familial brand of resentment.
2. Kiss someone you think is out of your league; kiss models and med students and entrepreneurs with part-time lives in Dubai and don’t worry about if they’re going to call you afterward.
3. Minimize your passivity.
4. Work a service job to gain some understanding of how tipping works, how to keep your cool around assholes, how a few kind words can change someone’s day.
5. Recognize freedom as a 5:30 a.m. trip to the diner with a bunch of strangers you’ve just met.
6. Try not to beat yourself up over having obtained a ‘useless’ Bachelor’s Degree. Debt is hell, and things didn’t pan out quite like you expected, but you did get to go to college, and having a degree isn’t the worst thing in the world to have. We will figure this mess out, I think, probably; the point is you’re not worth less just because there hasn’t been an immediate pay off for going to school. Be patient, work with what you have, and remember that a lot of us are in this together.
7. If you’re employed in any capacity, open a savings account. You never know when you might be unemployed or in desperate need of getting away for a few days. Even $10 a week is $520 more a year than you would’ve had otherwise.
8. Make a habit of going outside, enjoying the light, relearning your friends, forgetting the internet.
9. Go on a 4-day, brunch-fueled bender.
10. Start a relationship with your crush by telling them that you want them. Directly. Like, look them in the face and say it to them. Say, I want you. I want to be with you.
11. Learn to say ‘no’ — to yourself. Don’t keep wearing high heels if you hate them; don’t keep smoking if you’re disgusted by the way you smell the morning after; stop wasting entire days on your couch if you’re going to complain about missing the sun.
12. Take time to revisit the places that made you who you are: the apartment you grew up in, your middle school, your hometown. These places may or may not be here forever; you definitely won’t be.
13. Find a hobby that makes being alone feel lovely and empowering and like something to look forward to.
14. Think you know yourself until you meet someone better than you.
15. Forget who you are, what your priorities are, and how a person should be.
16. Identify your fears and instead of letting them dictate your every move, find and talk to people who have overcome them. Don’t settle for experiencing .000002% of what the world has to offer because you’re afraid of getting on a plane.
17. Make a habit of cleaning up and letting go. Just because it fit at one point doesn’t mean you need to keep it forever — whether ‘it’ is your favorite pair of pants or your ex.
18. Stop hating yourself.
19. Go out and watch that movie, read that book, listen to that band you already lied about watching, reading, listening to.
20. Take advantage of health insurance while you have it.
21. Make a habit of telling people how you feel, whether it means writing a gushing fan-girl email to someone whose work you love or telling your boss why you deserve a raise.
22. Date someone who says, “I love you” first.
23. Leave the country under the premise of “finding yourself.” This will be unsuccessful. Places do not change people. Instead, do a lot of solo drinking, read a lot of books, have sex in dirty hostels, and come home when you start to miss it.
24. Suck it up and buy a Macbook Pro.
25. Quit that job that’s making you miserable, end the relationship that makes you act like a lunatic, lose the friend whose sole purpose in life is making you feel like you’re perpetually on the verge of vomiting. You’re young, you’re resilient, there are other jobs and relationships and friends if you’re patient and open.